Lovebug Ch. 2

You wake up around 10:00 in the morning, to find that Kevin is gone to work, and Nick is sitting at the edge of your bed.
He's going through a basket that you have some of your small things in. Such as letters, and little toys, like trains and racecars.
You've been keeping that basket since you were a child. You keep everything of yours, you're not someone to throw anything away.
Sitting up, you stretch, and yawn. He quickly puts everything back, like he's done something wrong. But you know he didn't mean it.
He was probably bored and lonely waiting for you to wake up.
You tell him it's okay, and you smile. Holding your arms out, he crawls onto your lap, and hugs you.
He kisses you on the cheek, and nuzzles his face into your neck. You pat him on the head, and tell him to get up. He does so, and you climb out of bed.
You tell him to wait in the kitchen for you while you take a shower, and you say that after breakfast, the both of you can play.
He runs out of your room, and you take a shower. You hurry so that he doesn't have to wait long, and once you're done, you go straight to the kitchen.
To find him patiently sitting at the table for you. You make pancakes for the two of you, and for once, you eat without having food thrown at you.
Nick finishes first, and he just watches you while you eat. You can feel his eyes on you, and you try your best not to laugh. He was so adorable to you.
You put both your's, and his plate away, and ask him what he wants to do. He thought about it for a second, then his face lit up.
He pulled some of the kitchen chairs into the living room. And you follow him, and ask him what he's up to. He pointed to the coffee table, and you don't get it.
Then he started to move it to a different spot. You kind of understood once he started setting the chairs up, and he ran to his room to get a sheet. He was building a fort.
Something you and Kevin did a lot when you were younger. You two would always play in it, Kevin would even let Nick come in, too.
You helped Nick build the fort, and you both crawled inside. You felt a bit uncomfortable, considering how small it was. The last time you were in one, you were small. It was much bigger.
The only problem was how tall you were. Not much of a problem for Nick, though. He left for a minute to grab some stuffed animals. You just rolled your eyes. He was like an excited child.
He gave one to you, a dog plush, practically shoving it in your face. You asked him what you were supposed to do with it, and he just shrugged. Hugging his teddy bear to his chest.
You nodded, and got more comfortable. Being careful not to ruin the fort.
He asked you quietly if you're having fun, and you smile, and tell him of course. He wants to know if you promise, and you say yes.
You push him down lightly, and tickle him. You ask him, how could you not have fun with someone as cute as him? He doesn't answer, he can't. He's laughing, and trying his best to stop you.
He tries to catch his breath, and he's saying no. While he squirms under you.
You love how much control you have over him, and how innocent he is. And you can see how much he admires you, also your older brother. You continue tickling him until he starts kicking,
you decide that's enough messing with him, and you let him go. He takes a breath, and laughs a little. He smiles at you, which makes you feel unsure. He jumps on you, causing you to fall on your back.
Just like he did the other day. You fake scream, acting like he has you. Just to make him happy. He pins you down, and you tell him to let you go. He shakes his head, simply saying 'no'.
You even beg, just to make this fun for him. Again, Nick says no. So you offer sweets to him. You tell him if he lets you go, you'll give him candy. He smiles big, and gets off you. Kids are so easy to please, you think to yourself. You leave him in the fort, and go to the kitchen quickly. In the cabnits, there is some candy. Usually, it's hiden. Because that's all Nick would want to eat. So Kevin said it's to be eaten if he does good, or sometimes after dinner. If he isn't around, you would just let him eat the candy. Or you would take it all. You thought it wasn't necessary. But right now, he's been really good. He's learning, and he acts how he should. You grab a chocolate bar, and go back to the fort. To find that he's brought some pillows down. You both share the chocolate together.
You break the bar in half, and give a half to him. He happily takes it, and eats it with no patience. While you slowly eat your's. You find it amusing how he doesn't make anything last, but you like to.
He tells you thank you, and he lays down, with a pillow he has under his head. You sit next to him, and move some of his hair out of his face. And you run your fingers through his hair, playing with his curls.
He scrunches his face, and swats your hand away. You stare at him, and ask him what that was for, followed by a chuckle.
All he does is shrug, and you take that as an answer. You thought of him as stubborn at times. But you know he's just playing around.
You lie down next to him, keeping your arms tightly around him. He smiles up at you, and sticks his face in your neck. To where you can feel him breathing against it. He shifts, and he's more pressed to you. And you can feel him. You don't know what to do, so you ask him nicely if he can move a bit. He doesn't, he just wraps his arms around you neck, and hums.
You move your hands down to his sides, and lightly push him. He moves back against you, and you sigh. You tell him that it's getting uncomfortable. He apolagizes, and frowns at you.
You kiss his forehead and tell him it's okay. He slowly asks you if he made you feel weird, and you look at him confused. He points down, and you get it.
You hesitate, and shake your head no. Really, you don't know why you would react like that, and you know you shouldn't. But you can't help it. It was just by that little contact, and it makes you feel horrible.
And he doesn't understand it. He's too young. He thinks it's normal, and that it's okay. And half the time, he doesn't know what he's doing. Whether good or bad. You could do whatever with him,
and he would think of it as okay. Just because you're doing it. And whatever you do, is considered right. But you know that's not true at all. Especially because of last night.
From that little stunt you pulled with Kevin. To you, it was small. But to him, it was a big thing. And most likely wrong.
All he did was leave. You tried to stop him, ask him what you did wrong. But he just stopped you from following him, and told you to give him time to think.
And maybe, one of the reasons why you enjoy being with Nick so much is because he's not like Kevin. And you're the one in control, not him. You're teaching him. He's still new to some things.
He can't stop you, he can't tell you what you should, and shouldn't do. You're the one showing him what's right in your eyes. And you're sure one day, you may not be proud.
For now, you're happy with him. You'll enjoy it while you can.
Slowly, you trail your hand down to his pants. He looks at you, like he doesn't understand. You tell him it's okay, and that you do this when you love someone. You're not lying, because you do love him.
Even if it's not in that way, you do. You start to unbutton his pants, and you can feel him shaking. You ask him if he's alright, and he shakes his head. He seemed nervous, but you ignored it.
Inside, you feel bad. Like you take advantage of him, but you don't think he cares. And you would never hurt him, ever.
You pull his pants down a bit, and his boxers. One more time, you shush him, and tell him not to worry. Right as you're about to touch him, he grabs your hand. You hold his arms to where he couldn't move them, and you say that you're only trying to make him feel good. Quietly, he says okay. And he lets you continue. You touch him, and right away, he makes a sound. You know you're not hurting him.
You watch him closely as you stroke him, his eyes are closed, and his mouth is slightly open. He tries to move his arms, but barely from the hold you have on him. His breathing is heavy and you can see how weak he starts to get. Right now, you're loving how easily you can phase him. Slowly, his breathing starts to get messy with every touch. You feel like what you're doing is wrong, and that he's too innocent. But you can't stop yourself.
Once again, he tries to get you to stop. You don't, and that's when he starts squirming. You lean down, and gently kiss him on the lips. You softly tell him that you love him, and you could see his eyes start to water. He's scared, and he doesn't understand his feelings. You try your best to calm him, and you decide to let go of his arms, and he immediately puts them around your neck. He pulls you down closer to him without meaning to, causing you to almost collapse on top of him. At first, he seemed to take it. But then that changed quickly. He let out a small cry, and you realized that you might have been a little hard on him. It was then you felt the liquid hit your hand. You sat up, and licked your hand clean, seeing as there was nothing you could use to clean it off with. You helped him with his pants, because he just laid there. Covering his face with his hands. You could tell he was embarrassed, and you just found that cute. Helping him up, you both left the fort, and you took him upstairs. To the bathroom, where you were going to give him a bath.

x x x x x

You get home after a tiring day at work. Today, you got to leave early for doing so much. And yet, all you want to do is sleep.
Even though you're still so young, you feel so old. You have no time for yourself. All day, you work. You're doing everything for everyone else but yourself, and you're worn out.
You know it's your respondsability, and you don't regret having to take care of your brothers. Mainly one of them, considering the other is old enough to handle himself, you still think you have to look after him. Because he doesn't think.
He used to think you didn't trust him at all, but that wasn't true. He was immature, and thought of everything as a joke. You wished you could leave him home alone, but you know that wouldn't be the best idea. Sometimes, the both of you would have arguements. He would always call you boring, and uptight. Controlling. And he would say that you can't tell him what to do, and end up telling you 'you're not mom and dad'. Yes, that would upset you. But no matter what he would say, you would forgive him. You've had your good times, and bad times. There were times where he would tell you that he hates you. You know he doesn't think it hurts you, but it does. You just act like it doesn't, and let it slide. Because a few hours later, he would be back to himself. And you would be laughing together, having a good time.
You walk into the kitchen, and hang your coat on a chair, and walk up the stairs. Seeing Joe just as he leaves Nick's room. You ask him if he's asleep, and he nods. He tells you that he's had a long day,
and that he's tired out. You smile, and tell him you're glad that the both of them are having fun. He just smiles back at you, and goes to his own room. You sigh, and enter the bathroom, and take a nice, long, hot shower. Sometimes you feel like that's the only time you have to yourself. The only time you have to relax. And that just might be the truth. You take your time, and try to stay in there as long as you can. You turn the shower head a bit to the side, so it doesn't completely hit you. And you sit on the floor. You feel like that's a kind of childish thing to do, since that's something you would always do when you were younger.
You sit there, and pull your knees up to your chest, and think of anything. Everything you can.
It isn't that long before you hear a knock on the door, and you're sure you've been in there forever. You stand up carefully, and you can hear Joe. He's saying that you've been in there for over an hour,
and that he needs in. You tell him to hold on, and you quickly turn the shower off, and step out. Hurrying to dry off, and put on your pajamas.
You pick up the towel you used, and your dirty clothes, and open up the door. Joe's standing there, and he thanks you, and walks in. Shutting the door behind him. You go to where the dryer and washing machine is, and put your things in there for them to be cleaned. You then make your way to the kitchen, and check the time. It's 7:00, you read, and then you go through the fridge to find something for dinner. You know that Joe most likely didn't make any, so you're going to. Just as your getting out the things you need, he walks in the room. He asks what you're doing, and you tell him. Joe steps beside you, and takes the things out of your hands. He says that he was waiting for you, and you can feel that you're blushing. It embarrasses you, because he's younger. Not by much, but he is. You're the older, mature one here. He shouldn't have that kind of effect on you at all. You can't take that, you know that your parents would find it odd. You back up, giving up. Letting him do as he wants.
For the past few days, he's been acting different. You think you understand, because you know he wouldn't just kiss you for no reason. He wouldn't be that nice to you for no reason. You understand that he's trying to be better, considering how out of hand he's been for a while. Joe should mind, like the good boy he is.  You tell him that you'll wait in the living room while he cooks, and he nods, agreeing. He tells you that it won't be long, and you turn on the TV. Flipping through the channels, you find something decent. Just another one of those heart warming Disney movies.
Halfway through the movie, Joe comes into the living room with two plates, and he sits them on the table. He asks if it's okay to eat in the living room, and you tell him yes. Because it is, and it's not easy to tell him no. It's not that you find him threatening, because he's not. It's  just hard. You're like that with everyone. And you're not sure if that could always be a good thing.
You both sit together, and watch the rest of the movie in peace while you eat. Once you're done, you stay there as he takes the plates to the kitchen. Turning the TV off, you stand. To see Joe right behind you as you turn. It scares you for a second, you didn't see him. He smiles, because he can tell that he startled you a bit. He apologized, chuckling sofftly. You say it's okay, and try to walk away. Just as you do, he grabs your hand and pulls you back. Confused, you turn to look at him. You can see the sadness showing on his face, he's frowning. He's upset and you know it. You stop, and ask him what's wrong. Because you know you can't walk away from him. You've done that a lot in the past week. Just ignore him, because you're trying to be the bigger person here. But you realise that's not going to do anything with him. He doesn't leave anything be.
He tells you that he's sorry for the way he's been acting, but he can't help it. It's not like he can control himself.
All you say is that it's wrong, and that he shouldn't be like that in the first place. Yes, you understand him. You feel the same. And yet you're acting like a grown up, who can't listen to anyone's feelings. Maybe you're scared of what might happen. You might regret it one day. You know how wrong it is to have feelings like that for your brother. But then you think, if you truly love him, you won't regret it when you're older. You'll always feel like that towards him.
He doesn't respond to what you said, and you can see his eyes start to water. You apologize, and pull him into a hug. But when you do, he pushes you away. He's stubborn, and you can't stand fighting with him. So you just let your hands drop to your sides. He stares at you for the longest time, and you don't know what to do. Joe opens his mouth, like he's going to say something. You wait for it, but nothing comes out. He starts to walk away, and you do nothing. You can't. You want to, but you just can't bring youself to. It may be a different situation now, but normally when the both of you would get into an arguement, if he kept it going, you would leave it be. Ignore him, and talk to him another day. When things are cooled down.
But this, you don't know how to handle. If he was in your position, you're sure he would go with it. Let things happen.
That's not how things are, though. You're not completely sure if you're doing the right thing, or just scared. And not wanting to admit your feelings. He can, so why can't you? Because you're the smart one? You think about how it could effect things around you. How it could effect your friends, family, even little Nicholas.
He may not know it, but something like that isn't normal.
You try to clear your mind, and you go upstairs. To your bedroom. It's not that late, although you need to wake up early. Joe has school tomorrow, and you have to be awake to watch your younger brother. Everything would work out like, when you're not at work, you watch Nick when Joe's at school, and the other way around. Joe is in home studies, so it makes things much easier. But it wasn't always like that.
After you enter your room, you look around, seeing as everything needs to be picked up a bit. You never have a dirty room but every once and a while it needs to be fixed.
Little things out of place here and there. You clear your desk off, and fix the books that were scattered. You stack them into place, and move to your dirty landry. You put them in a basket to be cleaned tomorrow, and set it aside by your desk. Then you go on and fix your bed. Even though it's going to be messed up in the morning, you can't help but feel annoyed by it being messy. You can't stand that. You make your bed all nice, and take your clothes off. Leaving you in your boxers, you throw the dirty clothes in the basket with the rest, and try to go to sleep. Hoping things will be different when you wake up.